So I Married a Gay Man.....

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  Our first day celebrating love since he told me about his same-sex attractions.  We've never been big Valentine's Day people anyway - maybe a small token of love or a nice dinner together, not the over commercialized stuff.  Thinking about Valentine's day brought to mind a card my husband once gave me.  It's wasn't a Valentine's Day card; it was a "just because" card, written in September of the first year of our marriage.  Once I thought about it, I became desperate to find it.  I remember saving it because it was so special to me and I wanted to remember why. We found it. We read it together.  We cried.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  For the past 20 weeks I have been asking a lot of hard questions.  How did I not know? Does he really love me as a wife or am I just a friend? Can he love me and not desire me?  Can I handle that? We all have a need to be desired.  I recently listen...

I'm sure people will wonder about our sex life.  I mean, how did I NOT know that he was gay? We have always had an active sex life.  As with all married people, we have had seasons in our marriage, but we have never been celibate in any way.  Our intimacy flows out of our deep personal connection.  The more we spend time together and love one another in practical ways, the more intimate we are.  I think this is probably true in most marriages, but even more so in ours where visual physical attraction is not the focus. The painful part, for me, is that I always knew and sensed that he was not very attracted to me.  I chalked that up to my weight, my body shape, my general attractiveness - I never considered that it was a problem on HIS end, but rather it was my problem and if I could just lose weight or have bigger breasts or whatever that it would "fix it".  In this sense, knowing about his same-sex attraction is actually freeing.  My self...