Let's talk about sex

I'm sure people will wonder about our sex life.  I mean, how did I NOT know that he was gay?

We have always had an active sex life.  As with all married people, we have had seasons in our marriage, but we have never been celibate in any way.  Our intimacy flows out of our deep personal connection.  The more we spend time together and love one another in practical ways, the more intimate we are.  I think this is probably true in most marriages, but even more so in ours where visual physical attraction is not the focus.

The painful part, for me, is that I always knew and sensed that he was not very attracted to me.  I chalked that up to my weight, my body shape, my general attractiveness - I never considered that it was a problem on HIS end, but rather it was my problem and if I could just lose weight or have bigger breasts or whatever that it would "fix it".  In this sense, knowing about his same-sex attraction is actually freeing.  My self-esteem has actually increased.  I am able to re-frame previous conversations, interactions, and feelings through his eyes and they make so much more sense now.  He has apologized for how he made me feel.  To his credit he always said it was not me, that he didn't care about how I looked, and that I didn't need to change anything, but these words seemed hollow in my own brokenness of self-loathing.  Now I take comfort in knowing that I am truly the only woman he has ever felt any attraction towards.

But how does it work?  Honestly we aren't really sure, but it does!  He is attracted to me as a person.  He says I know how to push his buttons.  Or as I have read someone else say, he is bisexual enough.  I think it is God's grace to us.  God has blessed us with the ability to please one another in a way that honors Him.

In my reading about mixed orientation marriages I learned that most couples that discover their spouse's orientation later in marriage usually have a "honeymoon" period of increased sexuality.  This has been true for us.  I'm not sure why this happens but I have a few thoughts.  Our complete understanding of one another increases our intimacy.  Our desire to recommit to our marriage and make sure our spouse knows we still love them rekindles our passion.