Healthy SSA Friends

The topic of how men with SSA can have healthy friendships with other men with SSA comes up a lot. I mean, I get it - it seems counterintuitive, almost crazy to let two SSA men form a close friendship. But it can and should be done. I've already talked about my fears when he first went to meet a bunch of other SSA men. And I've talked about the friends we have made through Brothers Road - some of those friendships have lasted and others have not. So now I want to talk about my husband's best friend.

My husband has always had a hard time having close relationships with men (I knew this long before I understood why). He once had a really close friendship that was so good for him and super healthy... until this friend betrayed him, which was one of the events that led to his deep depression, acting out, and ultimately confessing to me about his SSA. But I digress.

Through Brothers Road, my husband met a great guy.  I'm going to call him Leo here. They have built a beautiful friendship that I 100% endorse, support, and encourage. How am I so sure this is a healthy friendship?  Let me list the ways.

1. My husband told me about Leo, his family, and their friendship.
2. Leo wanted to meet with me. He gave me his phone number and told me to text or call him anytime.
3. They have a set time, once a week, when they talk on the phone for about an hour or so. They text and call occasionally at other times, but it doesn't interfere with our family time.
4. My husband and Leo share the same faith. They encourage one another with scriptures and pray together.
5. They are not attracted to each other. Neither is the other's "type".
6. They are not overly affectionate with each other. A good manly hug is common.
7. They hold each other accountable. They ask each other hard questions and encourage one another to remain strong and faithful.
8. They encourage each other to be honest with their wives. In fact, it was Leo and another friend that demanded my husband tell me the whole truth - for which I am so grateful.
9. After my husband spends time with Leo, he is a better person to be around. He is happier and wants to please me.  

I also think it is wise to understand what unhealthy, toxic relationships look like.  For a better understanding of toxic friendship in the SSA community, check out this summary of a webinar. I can't recommend this webinar enough!!! If you think that your husband has formed an unhealthy relationship, please speak with someone about it. You don't have to stand by and watch your husband have toxic friendships. You can set boundaries for yourself and your marriage.