So I Married a Gay Man.....

Chemistry - once my favorite subject in school and my almost major turned minor in college.  I've always loved it.  But now I really hate that word. Chemistry - something my husband doesn't have with me, but apparently feels with other men on occasion.  It's not that he wants that to happen.  In fact, it makes him crazy.  And depressed.  That's why he has avoided men for most of his life.  But that didn't work out well and so we are trying something different.  And sometimes different is scary.  Truth be told, most people that have been married for over two decades probably don't feel chemistry anymore.  I can't really say that I feel that for him either.  But I used to.  He used to give me butterflies.  I just feel incredibly sad thinking that maybe he never felt butterflies with me.  Also, I don't really understand him.  After I got married, I stopped noticing other men.  Only once in our entire ma...

So you have friends that are gay.  You don't want to offend them; you want to love them.  You want them to know that Jesus loves them too.  Your heart hurts when they hurt.  In order to make it easier on them (and you), you decide to reject the clear teaching of scripture.  It's easier to say the Bible is wrong than to say your friend is wrong.  I get it. My best friend is gay.  He's also my husband.  He knows the truth of the Bible and he's trying really hard to live according to God's will as revealed in the Bible.  It's not an easy path.  But one day I want him to hear the words, "Well done my good and faithful servant.  Enter into my rest."  It is our firm belief that people that live in open rebellion towards God's ways will not get to hear those words. Every time a prominent Christian changes their view on homosexuality, a little piece of me dies.  You are just adding another voice to the temptation for Christian...

These are the books I read this month. A War of Loves: The Unexpected Story of a Gay Activist Discovering Jesus by David Bennett.  Someone recommended this book and it was already in my "to be read" pile.  His story is captivating and he is a great storyteller.  Bennett has an amazing testimony of salvation.  He starts off as side A (affirming of living a gay lifestyle) but God slowly transforms his thinking and he is now side B (believes in the traditional Biblical definition of marriage) and celibate.  I appreciated his very positive and uplifting view of celibacy.  I also appreciated his candor about his temptations, struggles, and successes. My favorite quote: "When Jesus Christ is relegated to a hobby for middle-class families and not allowed to be the Lord of our entire lives, we are bound to destroy the witness of his gospel.  What the Western church needs is a new identity that recognizes that Jesus isn't just a peripheral interest. ...

The holidays are often a time of reflection and emotions.  This being our first holidays since the revelation of my husband's SSA, it was especially so. On Christmas Eve after putting all of the gifts under the tree and filling the stockings hung from the fireplace, we stood back and looked at a picture-perfect scene and cried together.  We were overcome with love and thankfulness for our family.  My husband had convinced himself for years that if I ever really knew him, I would leave him.  Yet here we were, together.  And so very, very thankful. A week later on New Year's Day I woke up feeling overwhelmed.  I had an intense sense of dread about the upcoming year.  Once again I cried, but not tears of thankfulness.  They were tears of fear.  I prayed and cried out to God to take away these feelings.  From everything I've read, the first year of dealing with this is the hardest.  On top of that, a lot of major life changes are ha...

Marriage did not remove my husband's same sex attractions.  It didn't make him less gay.  It didn't remove the temptations or desires.  It didn't completely remove his loneliness.  It didn't remove his guilt and shame. Now let's flip the script.  I was an angry and bitter person when I got married.  Guess what?  Marriage did not remove my anger.  It didn't make me less bitter.  Why would we think marriage would fix us?  I'm so glad he didn't think marrying me would fix him.  Our marriage would have been a huge let down from day one. Only God can change us.  Sometimes he chooses to remove temptations and sometimes he doesn't.  Paul talked about his thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with t...