So I Married a Gay Man.....

Sometimes I look back and wonder how I made it.  Some days it's a wonder I'm still breathing.  But I did more than survive.  I continued on with life during the crisis.  I went to work, took care of kids, made dinner, cleaned, went to church, and on and on.  Only by God's grace was I able to get out of bed and face each day.  Here's how I did it. 1.  Prayer - I started every day with prayer.  There were times when I just couldn't pray anymore and that was ok, too.  Sometimes I just cried to God, literally just cried because that's all I could do. 2.  Music - I listened to music everyday.  Some of it was encouraging and some of it was just cathartic.  I mostly listened to worship music but also to other Christian music that resonated with me.  Nothing secular -not that I have anything against it but I just needed to soak in Godly music. 3.  Old friends - I needed friends that have known me and my husband for years to tell me it was going to be alright.  I n

Last weekend my husband and I attended a marriage retreat for mixed orientation couples.  The part I was most excited about was finally getting to meet one of my best mixed orientation marriage friends.  She and I have only ever talked on the phone, we've never met in person.  It was so much fun to hang out in real life!! Then came the actual retreat.  We went into the weekend feeling good.  I was not prepared for all of the hard work we were going to do!  The first night ended terribly.  Every single marriage exercise we participated in ended in an argument.  It was NOT pretty.  I decided it was a mistake to even be there.  We had some one-on-one time with a wiser couple and went to bed exhausted. The next day we were able to see some of the bad communication habits that we have developed in the past year.  The stress and anxiety of the past year had really taken a toll on our communication.  I was able to identify my tendency towards criticism and he could see his towards def

It's a new year.  Finally! I have been wishing 2019 to end since it began.  Seriously, since January 1, 2019 I wanted the year to end because I sensed it would be a terrible year .  The worst year actually.  And it was.  My fears were all confirmed and it was the worst year of my life.  But it's finally over. In the weeks leading up to 2020, I kept hoping that I would wake up feeling something way better than dread - hope, joy, anything positive would do.  Instead, I woke up feeling nothing.  Just a normal day.  Nothing good and nothing bad, just neutral.  Not what I wanted, but I'll take it. Now I just have to keep moving forward.  This year holds a lot of changes for me and my family.  I am truly looking forward to all of the changes.  It's a fresh start.  Maybe the good feelings will come with time.