Nothing has changed and everything has changed

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In some ways nothing has changed.  He is still the same guy I married so many years ago.  We have lived together for over two decades.  We are comfortable with one another.  Life is moving on.

In other ways everything has changed.  I know his secret.  I hear and see things through a new lens.  I see and hear people's comments about sexual identity.  I notice gay people more than ever before.  I have had to reframe much of my life - conversations and interactions with my husband that now mean something different, decisions that were made out of my ignorance, lies that were told to cover and hide the truth.  I can't un-know these things.  I don't want to be in the dark anymore.

Friends and even acquaintances have started mentioning that I have changed, that I seem different.  And I am.  But how do you explain something that you can't talk about?  I have always been a super outgoing and friendly person.  Right now I feel the need to retreat and hide.  The only way I can describe it is that I feel like I've lost my spark.  I hope that's something that God will give back to me one day.

My husband fears that maybe he didn't come out of the closet, he just pulled me in there with him.  Perhaps...



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