Why did he get married? And why me?

We met in college and quickly became friends.  We talked constantly about everything.  We agreed on everything that mattered - faith, values, and goals in life.  We were very close and people assumed we were dating.  Were we?  I don't think we knew for sure.  We both felt a strong connection.

At one point he said he was falling in love with me but then within weeks said we should just be friends.  What??  Sure, now it all makes sense.  He loved me as a person, as a close friend, but not as a wife.  He wasn't sure that would ever be possible.  From my perspective it made no sense at all.  Just friends?  We seemed to have long since passed that point.  I thought for sure we were headed towards marriage.  I was pretty devastated and it showed.  I pulled away from our friendship.

A few months later he said he wanted to marry me.  I now know that he spent these months wrestling with his own ideas of marriage and how he would be able to make that work.  He didn't want to lose my friendship.  He didn't want to hurt me by breaking off the relationship.  But marriage is a huge step - for anyone, but especially for someone struggling with same-sex attraction that believes in Biblical marriage.  He wanted to honor God with his sexuality but was not convinced that he was called to be celibate.  He thought this could be his one chance at having a marriage relationship and chose not to let it slip away.  After all, doesn't everyone want to be married to their best friend?

He was afraid to be honest with me about all of this, fearing that I would not willingly marry someone with SSA.  Maybe he was right.  I honestly don't know.