Telling safe people
As of now we have no intention of being publicly out. We have not told our children or our families. But our counselor encouraged us to choose a few safe people to talk to.
The first person we agreed to talk to is a close female friend of both my husband and I. She is full of love and grace, so we knew she would be safe. She also has other friends that struggle with SSA, so we knew she would understand. She was awesome, as expected.
The next person was a close friend of mine - someone that I knew would ask me hard questions, pray for me, and encourage me. I was nervous about telling her but she responded exactly as I expected her to - she asked me hard questions, prayed for me, and encouraged me. She checks in on me regularly. I really needed her and I'm so grateful that God put her in my life.
Then it was my husband's turn - he was petrified to tell anyone. He chose to tell a friend of the first person we told that also struggles with SSA. Even though they barely knew each other, he was safe. They are now becoming friends and he also introduced my husband to a support group and more friends.
The next person he told is a friend that lives overseas. Distance makes for safety I guess. He was shocked because they have been close friends and he had no idea. They talk on the phone once a month for accountability.
The last person he told was his brother. That has been a mixed experience. All of the other people we told are strong evangelical Christians. We knew that they would support our side-B theology, hold us accountable, and pray for us. Not so much with the brother. He was supportive of my husband as his brother, but in a "hey, whatever works for you man" kind of way.
Telling people was scary but it was also freeing. My poor husband went from telling just me, to a counselor, to now having several people know all within a few weeks. In some ways it makes us want to live more openly, but we know that not everyone will be supportive. Maybe one day we will be more open but it will have to start with our kids and that's a huge decision that we aren't ready to make.
The first person we agreed to talk to is a close female friend of both my husband and I. She is full of love and grace, so we knew she would be safe. She also has other friends that struggle with SSA, so we knew she would understand. She was awesome, as expected.
The next person was a close friend of mine - someone that I knew would ask me hard questions, pray for me, and encourage me. I was nervous about telling her but she responded exactly as I expected her to - she asked me hard questions, prayed for me, and encouraged me. She checks in on me regularly. I really needed her and I'm so grateful that God put her in my life.
Then it was my husband's turn - he was petrified to tell anyone. He chose to tell a friend of the first person we told that also struggles with SSA. Even though they barely knew each other, he was safe. They are now becoming friends and he also introduced my husband to a support group and more friends.
The next person he told is a friend that lives overseas. Distance makes for safety I guess. He was shocked because they have been close friends and he had no idea. They talk on the phone once a month for accountability.
The last person he told was his brother. That has been a mixed experience. All of the other people we told are strong evangelical Christians. We knew that they would support our side-B theology, hold us accountable, and pray for us. Not so much with the brother. He was supportive of my husband as his brother, but in a "hey, whatever works for you man" kind of way.
Telling people was scary but it was also freeing. My poor husband went from telling just me, to a counselor, to now having several people know all within a few weeks. In some ways it makes us want to live more openly, but we know that not everyone will be supportive. Maybe one day we will be more open but it will have to start with our kids and that's a huge decision that we aren't ready to make.
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