Holidays
The holidays are often a time of reflection and emotions. This being our first holidays since the revelation of my husband's SSA, it was especially so.
On Christmas Eve after putting all of the gifts under the tree and filling the stockings hung from the fireplace, we stood back and looked at a picture-perfect scene and cried together. We were overcome with love and thankfulness for our family. My husband had convinced himself for years that if I ever really knew him, I would leave him. Yet here we were, together. And so very, very thankful.
A week later on New Year's Day I woke up feeling overwhelmed. I had an intense sense of dread about the upcoming year. Once again I cried, but not tears of thankfulness. They were tears of fear. I prayed and cried out to God to take away these feelings. From everything I've read, the first year of dealing with this is the hardest. On top of that, a lot of major life changes are happening this year. So much change and uncertainty makes me afraid. I really just want 2019 to be over - I'll catch the highlights later.... please???
Giving myself, my marriage, and my feelings over to God is a daily decision. This year may not be easy - heck, last year wasn't exactly easy either - but walking closely with God, I will make it through. My hope is that I won't just survive 2019, but find myself and my marriage thriving like never before.
On Christmas Eve after putting all of the gifts under the tree and filling the stockings hung from the fireplace, we stood back and looked at a picture-perfect scene and cried together. We were overcome with love and thankfulness for our family. My husband had convinced himself for years that if I ever really knew him, I would leave him. Yet here we were, together. And so very, very thankful.
A week later on New Year's Day I woke up feeling overwhelmed. I had an intense sense of dread about the upcoming year. Once again I cried, but not tears of thankfulness. They were tears of fear. I prayed and cried out to God to take away these feelings. From everything I've read, the first year of dealing with this is the hardest. On top of that, a lot of major life changes are happening this year. So much change and uncertainty makes me afraid. I really just want 2019 to be over - I'll catch the highlights later.... please???
Giving myself, my marriage, and my feelings over to God is a daily decision. This year may not be easy - heck, last year wasn't exactly easy either - but walking closely with God, I will make it through. My hope is that I won't just survive 2019, but find myself and my marriage thriving like never before.
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