Why I Cried Today

I've said before that I've cried a lot in the past few months.  I've cried for a variety of reasons.  There is a lot of sadness in finding out a secret like this.  But today's cry was a new one.

Today I cried over a little boy.  A little boy that was confused and scared.  A little boy that always got chosen last for the teams.  A little boy that heard the word faggot and internalized it.  A little boy that decided that no one could ever know his secret.  A little boy that slowly became really good at hiding and lying.  A little boy that made sure no one got too close.

I see his little face from a picture I have.  He is smiling.  I know that smile.  I see it everyday.

It's really impossible to be mad at my husband for keeping the secret for so long when I see that little boy's face.  This morning I just had to weep.  And I wanted to hug that little boy - so I did, I hugged my husband tightly.