All the Tells

A "tell" is a common poker term used to describe an unconscious action that is thought to betray an attempted deception.  It can also be used to describe habits or traits that men with same sex attraction have that are considered to be stereotypically gay.   Effeminate mannerisms are probably the most common, but there are many other stereotypes as well.  Obviously, stereotypes are just that - and often not true at all.  However, as with all things, sometimes people live up to the stereotypes. 

My husband says he became aware of his "tells" at a very young age and as he grew up he worked very hard to hide them.  Of course some things are harder to hide than others and sometimes simply downplaying it was good enough for him.  He always thought that maybe I at least had some clue about his same sex attraction based on his tells but I assure you - I did not.  I'm not much for playing into stereotypes. 

In talking with other wives in mixed orientation marriages, there are definitely some benefits to marrying a man with some of these stereotypical traits.  So, excuse me if this offends you, that is not my intent.  I want to highlight some of the "tells" that I have come to love.

Emotional connection and communication - My husband is highly emotional and in touch with his feelings.  He loves to talk.  We literally never run out of things to talk about.  These are things I loved about him from the start.  Is it sometimes odd that he cries more than I do?  Nah, you get used to it.  I'll take a man that can cry over an emotional stuffer any day.  Other people are drawn to him because he genuinely cares about other people and can empathize with them.

Fashionable / Loves shopping - I walk through the mall and see all these men sitting around waiting for their wives and they look like they are being tortured.  Poor guys.  Poor wives.  My husband and I walk hand-in-hand through the mall and we are both having fun.  Who has more shoes?  Probably him, but it's almost a competition and we both win in the end.  He's better at picking out clothes for me than I am.  I never have to tell him to go change, unless he's overdressed.  He irons better than me, too.   And he always smells good.

Clean, neat, and organized - Although this has been a sticking point in our marriage, it's still a benefit.  I am not nearly as clean, neat, and organized as he is and we used to fight about it, but now we just accept each other as we are.  Our house stays very clean thanks primarily to him.  He is sometimes like a cleaning tornado that swirls through the house leaving a path of cleanliness and organization.  His car is always immaculate and his desks, both at home and at the office, are organized and clear.

Expressive and artistic - The stereotype of being creative through music, art, and theater wasn't as obvious because he definitely repressed a lot of his creativity.  I knew he liked to sing and even enjoyed watching musicals.  I didn't know until recently that he always like art but stopped in high school because he was afraid of being labeled.  How sad!  He's also a great writer and speaker.

Not into sports - I grew up in a sports fanatic family.  Like seriously I cannot overemphasize the fanatic part.  I was thrilled that my husband didn't like sports.  He didn't play sports; he didn't watch sports; he didn't even understand sports.  I explained the rules of football, basketball, and many others to him.  I always found this to be a plus because I'm not a sports season widow and I don't need to compete for his attention.  He is however very athletic.  He likes swimming, running, cycling, and lifting weights.  So he's very manly - just don't ask him what the score was of last night's game... or even who played in it... or what sport season we are in...