The Woman Who Knows

-


I drove into the desert, to a place I've never been before, to meet with a group of people I've never met before, and pour my heart out to a depth I've never experienced before.  I was anxious and exhilarated.  I had no idea what was going to happen but my instincts told me it would be good.

I went to Utah for a weekend retreat for women.  This wasn't just any retreat.  It is "a weekend for overcoming trauma and/or betrayal and finding your strength."  And I did just that.  I found my strength.
The myth of La Loba the Wolf Woman, initiates the question, “What has happened to my soul-voice? How do I make my life come alive again?"
La Loba is a Daughters of Light event through The Toolbox.  The weekend focused on 3 elements: "Healing: Trauma and/or betrayal, Connecting: to your intuition/soul, God and sisters, and Strengthening: your power & strength."  This powerful weekend uses different activities to guide you through a healing journey.  We worked on understanding our emotions; anger; grief; shame; forgiveness; boundaries; communication; intuition; fear; and strength.  We did not just sit around and talk about our feelings - we experienced them through physical activities both individually and as a group.  I laughed, I cried, I screamed, and I walked away a different person.

I'm not sure what this means yet for my marriage but I know what it means for me.  I am not afraid.  I am strong.  I trust my instincts and I make good choices.  I am loved and I love others freely.  I am a woman who knows.  This is what La Loba taught me.


 I found my soul-voice and I feel alive again. 
As I drove away from La Loba, this one thought consumed me...
"I am wild and free."












Comments

Post a Comment

All comments will be moderated. Thank you for your patience.

Popular posts from this blog

It's been 186 weeks

-
 It's been 186 weeks since my husband disclosed his SSA.  Y'all I don't know what I was thinking when I started this whole counting weeks thing! 😂 Here we are about three and half years in. Did I think it would last this long? Maybe not, but I'm glad it did. To recap the last few years of my life: 2017-2018 my husband was losing his mind but I had no idea why Sept 2018 we came to a breaking point and he confessed his SSA and some indiscretions, we call this D-day late 2018 - mid 2019 we did a lot of therapy, I started this blog, there was some progress Aug 2019 D-day part 2 where the whole story comes out, I'm devastated late 2019 - early 2020 more therapy and whole lot of depression April 2020 I moved away to start a new job, not sure if he would follow me or not (he was invited) June 2020 he quit his job and moved in with me mid - late 2020 still on a roller-coaster , not sure if we would make it 2021 - things were finally looking up !! 2022 - dare I say our li
Read more

Healthy SSA Friends

-
The topic of how men with SSA can have healthy friendships with other men with SSA comes up a lot. I mean, I get it - it seems counterintuitive, almost crazy to let two SSA men form a close friendship. But it can and should be done. I've already talked about my fears when he first went to meet a bunch of other SSA men . And I've talked about the friends we have made through Brothers Road - some of those friendships have lasted and others have not. So now I want to talk about my husband's best friend. My husband has always had a hard time having close relationships with men (I knew this long before I understood why). He once had a really close friendship that was so good for him and super healthy... until this friend betrayed him, which was one of the events that led to his deep depression, acting out, and ultimately confessing to me about his SSA. But I digress. Through Brothers Road, my husband met a great guy.  I'm going to call him Leo here. They have built a beauti
Read more

Happy Anniversary

-
Image
This is the bag we packed to go away for our 25th anniversary. This is pretty amazing to me because a year or two ago I wasn't sure if our marriage would last. Less than a year ago I wasn't sure I wanted it to. This journey has been longer and harder than I ever imagined. I have learned more about my husband and myself than I thought possible (and maybe more than I wanted to!). The book you see here has been super helpful over the past few months. And fittingly we are finishing the last exercise this weekend. I don't want to spoil it for you - because you should 100% do this - but the last exercise was super healing and beautiful. You will want to get the actual book (not pictured) and two workbooks (pictured) to get the most out of this. We went away for the weekend and had a wonderful time together. It felt like old times, before D-day. Just a normal married couple celebrating an anniversary. I hope we get to celebrate many more.
Read more