3 steps to get off the roller-coaster
The roller-coaster has been all too real lately. Emotional highs can be great, but the lows can be devastating. The endless cycle of shame and fear have been killing us. Getting off the roller-coaster is imperative and yet it's been exhausting work.
We made 3 agreements towards ending the cycle. They are written on our bathroom mirror as a daily reminder of our agreements. So far, it has been a major step forward for us. I am praying it will last!
1. Renewed commitment
We made a solid mutual pact to work on our marriage. When we first got married, we had a rule - we would never even say the word divorce. Recently we have let words like divorce and separation enter our vocabulary. That had to stop. It wasn't helpful for either of us.
2. Hurt-Free Zone
We established a hurt-free zone in our relationship. Sometimes, when we are discussing our thoughts or emotions we inadvertently hurt each other's feelings. Discussing the past can bring up more hurt. We are trying to be more aware of the words we use and how they may affect each other emotionally. Encouraging one another is so much more helpful.
3. Contest of generosity
We have decided to try to outdo each other in being kind. Being careful not to hurt each other is a start. But proactively being kind and generous is even better. We are making a habit out of performing little acts of thoughtfulness and love for one another.
We made 3 agreements towards ending the cycle. They are written on our bathroom mirror as a daily reminder of our agreements. So far, it has been a major step forward for us. I am praying it will last!
1. Renewed commitment
We made a solid mutual pact to work on our marriage. When we first got married, we had a rule - we would never even say the word divorce. Recently we have let words like divorce and separation enter our vocabulary. That had to stop. It wasn't helpful for either of us.
“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” - Malachi 2:16
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. - Matthew 19:8
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. - 1 Corinthians 13:7
2. Hurt-Free Zone
We established a hurt-free zone in our relationship. Sometimes, when we are discussing our thoughts or emotions we inadvertently hurt each other's feelings. Discussing the past can bring up more hurt. We are trying to be more aware of the words we use and how they may affect each other emotionally. Encouraging one another is so much more helpful.
Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. - Ephesians 4:29
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. - Romans 12:18
Work at living in peace with everyone - Hebrews 12:14
3. Contest of generosity
We have decided to try to outdo each other in being kind. Being careful not to hurt each other is a start. But proactively being kind and generous is even better. We are making a habit out of performing little acts of thoughtfulness and love for one another.
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. - Romans 12:9-10
Thank you for sharing, this is a struggle for my marriage lately as well. Hurtful words sting, but kind actions speak volumes. We struggle with thinking of the other person first, before thinking of ourselves.
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