Winter Blues

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It's been a while since I posted last.  I'd like to say it's just because I've been busy.  But the truth is it's because I don't know what to say.  I keep hoping that I will be happy and things will be easy - honestly I'd just settle for feeling normal again, whatever that means.  And yet here I am still feeling down and crying more than I'd like to admit.  I really wanted to be merry this Christmas, but I wasn't feeling it.  Nothing bad has happened recently.  I keep telling myself that I should be happy. But I'm just not.

I've been watching sappy romantic Christmas movies.  That is probably a mistake.  My life is not a fairy-tale, my marriage is not a picture-perfect romance, and I don't feel like I'm going to get a happy ending.  Everything feels uncertain and unstable. But I know this is just how trauma feels - I should expect it.  I guess I'm just tired.  I'm hoping these blues will pass.

There's a song I can really relate to.  It starts off, "This year's felt like four seasons of winter and you'd give anything to feel the sun."  Yes.  Exactly.  How did they know?  "When you feel like giving up, when you feel like giving in, His love is the reason to keep on believing."  So that's where I am.  Trying to hold on to hope and keep on believing.  And praying that next year will not be four seasons of winter.





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