So I Married a Gay Man.....

These are the books I read this month. A War of Loves: The Unexpected Story of a Gay Activist Discovering Jesus by David Bennett.  Someone recommended this book and it was already in my "to be read" pile.  His story is captivating and he is a great storyteller.  Bennett has an amazing testimony of salvation.  He starts off as side A (affirming of living a gay lifestyle) but God slowly transforms his thinking and he is now side B (believes in the traditional Biblical definition of marriage) and celibate.  I appreciated his very positive and uplifting view of celibacy.  I also appreciated his candor about his temptations, struggles, and successes. My favorite quote: "When Jesus Christ is relegated to a hobby for middle-class families and not allowed to be the Lord of our entire lives, we are bound to destroy the witness of his gospel.  What the Western church needs is a new identity that recognizes that Jesus isn't just a peripheral interest. ...

I haven't read these books, but my husband did.  This is my version of what he told me about the books (so take it as hearsay, ha!). Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God's Grand Story by Christopher Yuan.  Yuan discusses both the theology and practical implications of sexuality, desire, orientation, marriage, and singleness.  He also gives great advice on how respond when someone you know comes out. Here is a podcast with Christopher Yuan.  I actually listened to it :) Space at the Table: Conversations Between an Evangelical Theologian and His Gay Son by Brad Harper and Drew Stafford Harper.  The story is told chronologically from both the father's and son's perspectives, showing us how their relationship fared through the son's coming out.  The father is an evangelical pastor (side B) and the son decided to live a gay lifestyle and reject his faith.  Spoiler alert: the story does not end with the so...

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  Our first day celebrating love since he told me about his same-sex attractions.  We've never been big Valentine's Day people anyway - maybe a small token of love or a nice dinner together, not the over commercialized stuff.  Thinking about Valentine's day brought to mind a card my husband once gave me.  It's wasn't a Valentine's Day card; it was a "just because" card, written in September of the first year of our marriage.  Once I thought about it, I became desperate to find it.  I remember saving it because it was so special to me and I wanted to remember why. We found it. We read it together.  We cried.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  For the past 20 weeks I have been asking a lot of hard questions.  How did I not know? Does he really love me as a wife or am I just a friend? Can he love me and not desire me?  Can I handle that? We all have a need to be desired.  I recently listen...

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is going to use all of this in my life.  I knew it from the moment my husband told me about his SSA.  And sure enough God has already started sending people my way. The first was through my church.  A new family started going to our church and I discovered that their adult son is gay.  We knew that they were side B and very loving towards their son.  So, my husband and I decided to take a chance and tell them about us.  They were amazing and we made an immediate connection.  They were hoping to be accepted and "not shunned" - well they got way more than that, they found friends that really understand.  They had not read many books, so of course I loaded them up because... I love books!  I look forward to forming a closer relationship with them. I also met a woman online that is also married to a man that struggles with SSA.  It was a big step of faith to meet her in person, but I'm so glad I...

You should know by now how much my husband and I love to read.  We read a lot!  That has always been the case, and we read several marriage books before we ever got married.  One book that we read introduced us to the concept of "The Love Bank".   The concept is simple: we each have a love bank and everyone we love has an account with us (especially our spouse).  People make deposits and withdrawals in their accounts - deposits are things they say or do that show us love, and withdrawals are things they say or do that hurt us. In marriage we should purposefully make as many deposits and as few withdrawals as possible.  Hard times are bound to come, so having a large account is critical. I've been pretty clingy and needy lately.  It feels strange because this is not normal for me.  My husband has been super great about it and continues to give me what I need (but let me also say that I verbalize what I need).  It hit me today that ...