So I Married a Gay Man.....

She's quiet, meek, and far too gentle.  She seems like she is walking on eggshells.  Everyone sees the problem but apparently she is oblivious or maybe she is just an enabler.  She is weak and powerless.  She acts as if she can't do anything on her own.  She is not her own person.  This is what I have always pictured when I hear the word codependent.  This is not me. Therefore, I am not codependent. And yet, that word kept coming up.  People kept mentioning this great book.  My therapist mentioned the word several times.  I thought maybe I should look into it. After reading Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie, I realize that I am codependent. So what is codependency?  The starting point is understanding that the concept comes from dependency - as in addiction.  The addict is often called "chemically dependent" when referring to drugs or alcohol.  ...

It's been 52 weeks since my husband disclosed his same-sex attraction. A whole year. Everyone said the first year would be difficult. That was a huge understatement. I have been looking forward to this post, hoping that this would mark a turning point.  I would be happy and feel safe, settled, and secure.  Well, I can't really say any of those things.  And that's really disappointing.  So much of life lately has been disappointing. I started 2019 with a feeling of dread .  Unfortunately, I wasn't far off.  This year was far more difficult than I had anticipated.  I had hoped that the year would end well... it's only September, so there's still time left and I'm holding on to hope. We are still doing our "work".  My husband just attended a second Journey Into Manhood weekend.  I am going to an intensive weekend in October.  We are still seeing our therapist (love him!).  We have made lots of friends and accountability partn...

I've spent a lot of time reading books and blogs, listening to podcasts and watching videos about the issue of same sex attraction.  I've long wanted to watch videos from the Revoice conferences.  This session from Revoice19 , was suggested by someone in a mixed-orientation marriage. How to Become Churches That Cultivate Celibacy and Mixed-Orientation Marriages While I obviously appreciated the section about churches supporting mixed-orientation marriages, that was not what hit me over the head.  My biggest take-away was about how I have raised my own children.  I have always presumed and encouraged marriage for their future.  I have never even considered, let alone encouraged, celibacy as an option for them.  Why? Our culture, and church culture in particular, expects marriage as the "norm".  Many people even worship it.  I never really thought I was one of those people, until now.  This past year has taught me a lot about marriage....

I've spent so much time learning about " this world " of same-sex attraction, that I should get an honorary degree when I'm done.  😏   It can get awfully confusing: side A, side B, side X, side Y...  Everyone is taking sides and I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing.  I started off this blog almost a year ago declaring that we are side B, but I've done a lot of learning since then. So what does it all mean?  Here is a brief overview. Side A - God does not condemn homosexuality, sexual orientation cannot change, identify as LGBT, gay marriage is encouraged Side B - God condemns homosexual activity but not the homosexual person, sexual orientation cannot change, identify as LGBT, celibacy is encouraged Side Y - God condemns homosexual activity but not the homosexual person, sexual orientation might change, identify as same-sex attracted, traditional marriage or celibacy is encouraged Side X - God condemns homosexual activity and the homosexu...