One week later

My husband recently attended a second Journey into Manhood (JiM) weekend.  It was much easier the second time around for both of us because we knew what to expect.

I'm in contact with several wives whose husbands attended the same weekend, only it was their first weekend.  I tried to reassure them that they were not making a mistake in letting their husbands go do their work.  But I also let them know the reality of the "slump" that happens a week or so after the weekend.  Well, it's one week later and some of them are experiencing it.  The confident husband that came home a week ago is now an emotional mess.  The roller-coaster of emotions is so draining!  Now the wives are really wondering if it was worth it.  Their husbands are talking about thoughts and desires that are painful to hear about.  Emotions are running high and hope seems to be running low.  Some have said that it seems like a step backwards in their marriages.

Most journeys are not straightforward.  They are often two steps forward, and one step back.  Sometimes they seem to go in circles.  Or maybe a wrong turn is made and you have to retrace your steps.  This Journey into Manhood is no exception.

Listening to their thoughts, this story immediately came to mind:

My mother-in-law had her hip replaced several years ago.  She was in a lot of pain and decided that surgery was the best option.  She knew it would be a long and painful recovery, but it would be worth it.  Little did she know how long and painful it would be.  Shortly after the hip replacement doctors realized that the new hip was completely infected.  Antibiotics would not be enough.  They had to do a second surgery taking out the new hip, cleaning out all of the infection, and -get this- putting in a piece of concrete to hold the space while the infection cleared.  This meant she was now wheelchair bound for a while, because apparently you can't walk with concrete where your hip joint should be.  Weeks later, when the infection had cleared, she had a third surgery. It was the first surgery all over again.  They replaced the concrete with a new hip - this time minus the infection.  She had to heal all over again.  She had to do a lot of rehabilitative therapy.  It was a much slower and more painful recovery than anyone had anticipated.  Yet, in the end she could walk again without pain.

Such is life.  Such is my marriage.

A little over a year ago, we experienced surgery number one.  The disclosure of SSA and the beginning of honesty.  There was a lot of therapy, a JiM weekend, group phone calls, and brotherly accountability.  And all of that led to surgery number two.  We had to reopen the wound because there was some infection in there.  Lies and half-truths and gaslighting that had to be dealt with.  It was his accountability partners that insisted he go back and open that wound and deal with it all again, and for that I am grateful.  But here we sit with some concrete in our joints so-to-speak.  It feels heavy.  It feels immobilizing.  We have to wait patiently for healing to take place.  I'm hopeful that this second JiM weekend along with the intensive weekend I am attending soon will be that third surgery we need to replace what is broken and finally move forward again toward healing.  The journey is much longer and more painful than I was anticipating.  Yet, maybe one day we can walk again without pain.